The Three Dart Rule

First off, let me be up front. This isn’t my idea and I can’t really take credit for it. It comes from a forgotten (to me, anyway) stand up comedian I heard years ago. Despite my lousy memory, I still think it’s a stroke of genius, albeit a completely unworkable idea. It came to mind a day or so ago when the holiday shopping season got started in ernest.

Picture this: What if your state department of motor vehicles issued you a suction cup-dart gun and a dozen darts every year when you renew your tags? You’d keep the dart gun loaded and in your car at all times and use it when you see someone make an egregious traffic violation that could kill you or at least really make you mad. So, if some greaseball cuts you off and makes you swerve off the road, you zap him with a dart. Maybe a vapid, oblivious valley-girl drifts into your lane while she’s texting her BFF. It’s dart time.

The police, meantime, would be on the lookout for cars with a minimum of three darts stuck to them. If somebody’s earned three darts, the police would pull them over, and write them up for being a jerk.

You’d only get 12 darts per year, so you can’t go around darting people willy-nilly, but at least the maniacs out there would have to watch their P’s and Q’s regardless whether there’s a cop around or not.

I love this, but I did admit it’s completely unrealistic. Me, I’d be out of darts in about 15 minutes. I’d also have six or seven dozen darts stuck on my car from my son even if I was sitting still in a parking lot.

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